soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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