When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize