i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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