My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
