he shaved USA in his pubs
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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