it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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