would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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