I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
