Life is so much better after having sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
