Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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