Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
