Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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