She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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