you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
