Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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