Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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