This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
