I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
