Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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