Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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