apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
