So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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