AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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