Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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