it hurts more in the daytime
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
