I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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