I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
