Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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