god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
