Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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