Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize