On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize