I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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