U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
