I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize