Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
