Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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