found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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