No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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