yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
