So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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