This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
