no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
