On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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