I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Are my feet made of real feet?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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