pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
