just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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