You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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