I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am naked and annoyed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
