are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
