i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
