and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
