i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize