i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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