READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize