i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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