He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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