we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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