You just made me feel so damn special
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
