Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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