I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
