Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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