we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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