i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
