watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
