Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
