I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
