I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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