yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
