a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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