apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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