u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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