i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
