You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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