Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Everyone says I win the strip club
True strength comes from lack of pants
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize