I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
