Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
