somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
