You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
