forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its not stalking. its research.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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