I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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