Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
