So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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