im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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