Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
