All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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