He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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