i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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