im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
