I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
