I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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