Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
