now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
